Divorce and Children

Easing the Effects of Divorce on Children

Going through a divorce is often painful and stressful for adults, even more so when younger children are involved. Below are some resources divorcing parents can use to help discuss the process with their children in a healthy manner.

The websites, books, and videos you can see below provide guidance on the range of emotions and behaviors children may go through when their parents divorce. We also provide information about Parenting Coordinators, another helpful resource.

As an adult, it helps to remain flexible, open, and honest with children about the process. That being said, adults must also maintain appropriate boundaries with their children so as to protect them from hearing too much information, which can harm them.

At Peridot Family Law, we care about you and your children. If you are in need of additional resources for you or your children, please reach out. We will try to point you in the right direction. If you are in need of competent and caring family law legal services, we are available to help.

Miscellaneous Resources: Parenting Coordinators

Parenting coordinators (PCs) are trained individuals who have experience working with and supporting children. They can serve as sounding boards or make decisions for parents who are struggling to co-parent during and after the divorce process.

PCs can be a very helpful resource, especially for contentious divorce proceedings when you and your spouse are struggling to work together or see eye to eye. They can:

• Ensure custody plans are followed 
• Assist the parents in reaching amicable resolutions to child-related issues

Parenting coordinators do not serve as therapists or legal counsel for either the divorced parents or the children. However, they can provide advice and help smooth the transition into a healthy co-parenting arrangement.

Books and Websites: Helping Your Children Cope

There are many helpful books available that provide guidance on how to help your kids cope with the changes in their family structure. These resources can help you navigate difficult conversations, understand child development during this time, and find ways to support your children’s emotional well-being.

Some recommended books include:

• Two Homes by Claire Masurel
• Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families by Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown
• Now What Do I Do? A Guide to Help Teenagers with Their Parents’ Separation or Divorce by Lynn Cassella-Kapusinki
• Divorce Helpbook for Teens by Cynthia MacGregor
• Big and Little Questions (According to Wren Jo Byrd) by Julie Bowe
• Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce by JoAnne Pedro-Carroll
• Talking to Children About Divorce: A Parent’s Guide to Healthy Communication at Each Stage of Divorce by Jean McBride MS LMFT

There are also many helpful websites available for parents going through a divorce, such as:

• DivorceCare for Kids: A support group program designed to help children cope with the challenges of divorce.
• KidsHealth: Provides information and advice for parents on how to talk to their kids about divorce and the emotional impact it may have on them.
• Sesame Street in Communities: Provides resources and activities for families going through a divorce, including videos, articles, and printable materials.

You can also check out the following:

• Supporting Kids During a Divorce
• Helping Children Cope with Divorce

There are also some useful videos for parents, such as:

• The Impact of Divorce on Children – Dr. Tamara D. Afifi at TEDxUCSB
• Sesame Street: Little Children, Big Challenges — Divorce — “Abby’s Story”
• Peridot Family Law Youtube Channel

Tips for Talking to Your Children About Divorce

In addition to using resources like books and websites, there are specific things you can do as a parent to help your children understand and adjust to the changes that come with divorce. These tips can also help you maintain healthy boundaries with your children during this difficult time.

Use Age-Appropriate Language

When discussing divorce with your children, it’s important to use language that is appropriate for their age and developmental level. This can help them better understand what’s happening and feel more secure.

For younger children, you may simply explain that mommy and daddy won’t be living together anymore but will still love them very much. Older children may need more details, such as the reasons for the divorce and what the custody arrangements will look like.

Avoid Blaming or Badmouthing Your Ex-Spouse

No matter how contentious the divorce may be, it’s important to avoid speaking negatively about your ex-spouse in front of your children. Remember that they still love and care for both parents. Negative comments can cause them a great deal of emotional turmoil.

Focus on being respectful and finding ways to co-parent effectively with your ex-spouse. This may require seeking the help of a parenting coordinator or other mental health professionals. That way you can facilitate communication and ensure that your children’s needs are being met.

Provide Emotional Support for Your Children

Going through a divorce can be incredibly difficult for children, no matter their age. Be sure to provide them with emotional support during this time by listening to their feelings, validating their emotions, and reassuring them that they will always be loved.

Encourage open communication. Let them know they can come to you with any questions or concerns they may have. This can help them feel more secure as they adjust to the changes.

Encourage a Positive Relationship with the Other Parent

Even if you are no longer together, it’s important for your children to maintain a positive relationship with their other parent. Encourage them to spend time together and participate in activities that they both enjoy.

Avoid putting your children in the middle of any conflicts between you and the other parent. Also, make sure they know that it’s okay to love and have a relationship with both parents.

Be Transparent and Honest

Children are perceptive and can often sense when something is off or when they are being kept in the dark. It’s important to be transparent and honest with your children about the divorce. However, don’t forget to use age-appropriate language.

Avoid keeping secrets or withholding information from them. That can create confusion and anxiety for children. Be open and honest about what’s happening, but try to frame things in a positive light so that they feel reassured and loved.

Get Support for Your Family During This Difficult Time

Divorce and children can be a challenging combination. But with the right resources and support, you and your family can navigate through this difficult time in a healthy manner. Remember to take care of yourself as well, as parenting while going through a divorce can be emotionally taxing.

At Peridot Family Law, we understand the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship with your children during and after divorce. We are dedicated to helping families find amicable solutions that prioritize the well-being of their children. Contact us today for compassionate legal support from our experienced team.

Frequently Asked Questions About Divorce and Children